A second marriage means a second chance at love, but that doesn’t mean it’ll be easy. Here’s our advice on how to make a marriage work the second time around.
Most of us have an idea of what a perfect life looks like. Usually, it involves meeting one person when you’re young, falling in love, and staying happily married.
Unfortunately, this isn’t how life pans out for many of us. People fall in and out of love, spouses get divorced, and often, they get remarried.
But how do you make sure your second relationship doesn’t end the way your first one did? And what’s the secret to a happy, thriving partnership?
Here’s our advice on how to maintain a successful second marriage.
Although it may be uncomfortable, or even painful, to revisit your first marriage, it’s important to reflect on it.
Looking back on your past relationship means revisiting it objectively so that you can identify your mistakes and learn lessons.
Ask yourself these questions to thoroughly learn from your past marriage: Why did your marriage break down? What could you have done differently? What mistakes did you make, and what have they taught you about yourself?
Remember, there’s no shame in making mistakes. What’s important is that we learn and grow from them. So think about what you can learn from yours, and avoid repeating them in your second marriage.
When one or both of you have been previously married, there are often trust issues that get carried into your new relationship. To a certain extent, that’s ok.
What truly matters is that you’re aware of your issues and that you take steps to resolve them. Otherwise, you risk bringing this relationship anxiety into your new marriage.
For example, if your ex cheated on you, you might struggle to trust your new partner.
This may present itself in you checking their phone, calling them whenever they’re out alone, and being overly paranoid. Habits like these may damage your new bond.
Spend time getting clear on what these issues are, so you can address them now and avoid sabotaging your new love.
When you’re getting married for the second time, it’s natural to feel a little guarded.
You put yourself out there before and got your heartbroken, so why would you risk feeling that way again? We get it.
While this logic may make sense to you, it won’t contribute to a successful second marriage. After all, long-lasting love is all about vulnerability.
Maintaining a healthy relationship is impossible without letting your guard down. Yes, opening up and putting your faith in someone else can feel daunting, but it’s necessary.
That’s what love is all about! It’s a risk we’ve got to take if we want to experience the gifts that love has to offer.
Conflict is normal and it’s a part of any healthy relationship.
Having constructive ways to deal with conflict is better than blowing up at your other half or brushing disagreements under the carpet.
Avoid saying something hurtful in the moment and instead, breathe. Wait until you calm down a little before talking things over, and never let an issue go unresolved.
If one or both of you have kids from your previous marriage, it’s important to discuss their involvement in your relationship.
If you have children and your partner doesn’t, always remind your children of their place in your life.
Showing them that they always have priority is vital to maintaining a healthy dynamic between them and your partner.
If your partner has children and you don’t, make sure that you’re patient and open to their children becoming part of your life.
The role of a stepparent is usually much more of a subtle and supportive one than many expect it to be, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.
Finding a balance between your partner, their children, and the children’s other parent can be a real balancing act, but it’s key if you want this second marriage to work.
If you both have kids, it’s understandable that they take up a lot of your time and energy. However, if you want this relationship to thrive, then you have to prioritize each other too.
This is why so many marriages break down, couples forget that they have to constantly work at them if we want them to grow.
Make an effort to keep your spark alive. Schedule regular date nights, organize romantic weekends, or take up a hobby together.
Whatever your chosen activity, make sure it involves just the two of you and that it happens frequently. Quality time is key for maintaining a healthy, happy, loving marriage.
Every marriage is different, and every second marriage is different too.
There’s no singular secret that’ll fix your relationship. However, by following our advice, caring for your partner, and learning from your past, we guarantee that you’ll be on the right track.