8 Tried & True Ways to be a Better Boyfriend
By The Editorial Team With very few exceptions, most of the men on SiverSingles have been in previous relationships. In some cases, the relationship ended due to circumstances that were truly beyond their control. However, many of us know that we could have done better in our past relationships.
The fact that you’ve sought out advice is a great sign that you’re ready for change, so congratulations on taking this first step. If you’re a mature man who would like to up his boyfriend score for the partner he loves, then this article is for you. If you’re single and you’re trying to put your best foot forward, we have some tips for you as well.
Our dating experts and successful SilverSingles members have compiled a list of eight tried and true ways for you to learn how to be a better boyfriend.
1. Communication Tips
“Communication is key” is a cliche for a reason. It’s essential to a healthy relationship and many men who are over fifty are not great at it. Great communication takes practice, so start doing it from the beginning of the relationship. Here are a few pointers for making certain that your communications have the correct volume and quality.
- Avoid single-word responses or wordless gestures. When your partner asks you a “yes” or “no” question, don’t just give them the answer; expand on it. “Would you like to go out to dinner tonight?” “Sure. What time were you thinking, and do you have anything particular in mind?” This is a way better answer than a nod or even an enthusiastic nod.
- Prioritize their texts. You might be able to put off responding to a business email for a few hours while you finish your work tasks, but that’s not a great approach in a relationship. That doesn’t mean you have to send an immediate response, but good boyfriends don’t leave them hanging for hours.
- Practice active listening when they are talking. Let them know you’re following what they’re saying with a few insightful comments. This means that you’re paying attention while they’re speaking and not scrolling through your phone for the score of the game or checking on your stock portfolio.
- Be open with your feelings to whatever degree you feel comfortable. You don’t have to overshare if you’re not ready, but let your partner know that it’s a two-way street and open up a little.
2. Showing Appreciation
No one likes to feel underappreciated, and when it happens, it becomes really obvious. There are many ways that you can show appreciation for your partner or love interest. Here are some favorites:
- Random Compliments – When you’re on a date and they walk out dressed to the nines, they’re expecting a compliment. You should absolutely make sure you do this. But don’t wait for the obvious moment. Find opportunities to compliment them at random moments. “Have I ever told you that you have a real presence when you enter a room?”
- Make Favorable Comparisons – We all compare ourselves to other people. One way to get to your partner’s heart is to let them know that they stack up favorably. “You know, with you on my arm, I’m the envy of every other man at this party.”
- Bring a Small Gift – You’re dropping by for what might be a typical date. Maybe it’s your fifth date. Maybe you’ve been dating for months. Show up with something that they might like. “I was running an errand earlier, and this caught my eye. I think it would look great on you.”
3. Building Trust
Like communications, trust is a two-way street. You need to start establishing trust from the beginning with the understanding that the minute you behave in an untrustworthy fashion, all of your hard work can be undone. But how do you build trust, especially when it’s early on? Here are a few ways.
- Establish your reliability as a partner. Be responsive to their calls and texts. Show up on time for dates. Ask them out a few days in advance. Don’t break plans unless there’s a bonafide emergency. In other words, be true to your word.
- Find out what their boundaries are and demonstrate that you can respect them. For example, if you’re dating a single mother with kids, she might ask you not to schedule late dates on school nights. Show her that you can accept that boundary by not trying to coax her out for drinks after dinner.
- Avoid deception, even when you’re trying to be polite. For example, if she asks you if you like sushi, don’t feel compelled to say that you do just because you think that’s what she wants to hear. Eventually, the truth will come out about your disdain for sushi, and you’ll have to backtrack.
- When online dating, use accurate photographs. On SilverSingles, we encourage members to use recent, accurate photos that look like you do in real life. No one is going to be disappointed if you look like your pictures. However, if you use older pictures or try to make yourself look younger, they may determine that you’re deceptive. Also, they may feel like you sold them short.
4. Supporting Their Goals
You might think this is obvious, but you’d be amazed at how many Gen X and Baby Boomer men blow this category. It’s important to remember that their goals don’t necessarily have to be your goals. For example, let’s say you’re dating a woman who tells you that her goal is to be a Reiki master. You may not consider Reiki a valid form of alternative medicine, but that’s fine. Unless she’s saying that her goal is for you both to become Reiki masters, it doesn’t cost you anything to be supportive. Offer encouragement, celebrate their achievements, and provide help when it’s appropriate.
5. Quality Time
Nothing says you care about someone more than offering them your time, and you should remember that when it’s reciprocated. You can build a much better relationship with quality time than you can by investing substantial amounts of idle time. Here are a few ways to improve the quality of your time together:
- Invite your partner along for one of your activities. If you go fishing on Saturdays, for example, see if they want to come.
- Ask them what they’d like to do. You don’t have to give up your half of the planning, but ask for their input.
- Plan a mini-vacation. Traveling together is a relationship accelerator.
- Establish a no-phone rule where you put away your phones for an hour every time you spend time together. You remember when we didn’t have phones to worry about, right? Make it like that.
6. Acts of Kindness
You can never go wrong showing someone you love a small bit of kindness. Here’s one that always works. They’ve sent you a text that they’ve had a rough day at work, but they don’t want to cancel your plans. Pick up takeout from their favorite restaurant and bring it over. There is literally no time that someone doesn’t want their favorite food after a bad day. Be creative and come up with your own.
7. Understand Their Love Language
If you don’t know what this means, you’ve probably slept through the past ten years. The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman came out in 1992, but it became a mainstream phenomenon over the past ten years. The book describes five ways to get to a partner’s heart. They include:
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
If your partner doesn’t offer this info, ask them, “What’s your number one love language?” Then focus on that one. Don’t make the mistake of ignoring the other four languages. Just because they say that they require quality time doesn’t mean they don’t ever want to be touched.
8. Offer Emotional Support
This may sound a little like our number four, “Supporting Their Goals,” but emotional support is pretty different. Maybe your partner has a kid who’s going away to college or an aging parent who has to be placed in an assisted living facility. These are emotionally trying ordeals, and they may need some time to adjust to the situation. Letting them know that A. you understand what they’re going through and B. you intend to stick around while they work it out can be a huge relief during an otherwise trying time. Emotional support is often the difference between dating and a relationship. If you’re up for it, it can land you in the Better Boyfriend Hall of Fame. But it has to be genuine, and your partner has to welcome the support.
If you are a single male in his fifties or older, you can find the perfect partner on SilverSingles — the premier dating app for mature singles. You can sign up for free and upgrade later for enhanced features. Try SilverSingles today!